If you haven't done it yet and you have a reasonable amount of food to buy for the christmas period, then you're screwed. I went this morning and it was pandemonium. Brace yourself and take a hip flask, it's just some advice.

I hate ikea, and yet I can't seem to stay away. It is a modern crack addition that is hard to break. I don't have a house styled straight from the ikea showroom, but sure enough those in the know can spot a bookcase here, a throw there and oddly matching yet useful picture frames everywhere.

I know exactly what they are doing. They sucker me in with their coat hangers for 69p and keep me coming back for their £1.69 full breakfasts. I despise their all encompassing design ethos, that everything in a room should be available from them and look functional yet colourful, but even more I detest how busy it always is. Even at 10am on a Friday morning. I specifically go on my day off to avoid the crowds and yet there they all are, purchasing their beds which have different sized mattresses to the rest of the world. They really get in the way of my shopping experience.

My hatred of Gap and Next is along the same vein, bland and reassuringly normal for their clients, who seem to all be obsessed - their sale starts at 4am for goodness sake! I've managed never to buy anything from them, so why is it so difficult with Ikea? I can probably chalk that one up to laziness as well. Sure I can easily source more interesting clothes from the shop next door, but it is just so depressing to trawl homewares sections, they either don't have what you want or it costs too much.

Hello, my name is Tamsyn and I'm an addict. At least I've admitted my sins, right? Isn't that the first step? Now can I have my meatballs?