01. How has LJ changed your life?
At least I write some words everyday. Also, the comments from other people often bring me smiles.

02. What do you do before bedtime?
It used to be a bit of a film I've rented, then quality time with the hub. Now it is all about the breastfeeding...

03. What are you going to have for dinner tonight?
M&S Dine for two because I can't be bothered cooking, and I am saving so much money by not going out anymore.

04. What is the ONE place you want to go before you die if you had the money and the time?
Venice, but not on a budget.

05. What scares you?
The people that I care about realising I'm not as great as they think I am.

06. What do you do in your free time?
Watch tv and play Arkham Horror.

07. If you could speak another language (meaning one you currently don't know), what would it be?
Arabic, hello fantastic government job.

08. What personal belongings do you have with you everywhere you go?
My diary, in fact I have converted other people to their usefulness!

09. What was your favorite song or musical group when you were young?
I don't believe people will be that honest about this. Very young - Bros, bit older Bon Jovi, older again RHCP and early NIN!

10. Are you a risk taker?
Abso-f***ing-lutely

11. Is being tagged fun?
I wouldn't know (see below)

12. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Living somewhere better, more kids, same job (but I'm ok with that) hopefully a couple of novels under my belt. If they are published, even better!

13. If you could be anyone for one day, who would you be?
Gwen Stefani...

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I copied this from corone, no one really tags me (hell only 2 people read my journal...)

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
married and poor (it often feels that I am that way already)

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
3. 1 down, 2 to go!

17. Is reality objective or subjective?
Subjective.

18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
The rich one. You can be unhappy in either relationship, but at least you would have great gifts.

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Yes. And my husband agrees!

20. What is your favorite color?
Red.

I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place (isn't a rock a hard place as well?)

I am sick of being pregnant. The not being able to stand up, the messed up digestive system, the lower immunity leading to daft little infections, needing a siesta on top of 8 hours sleep, generally aching all over. Rock is an appropriate description since that is what my belly feels like.

However I also don't want it to end, because that means I will have this whole other person to deal with, of which I have no experience. Shouldn't there be some exams or something before they let you take a newborn home? I'm worried I will do something daft or dangerous without realising it. Hard place? Well if the labour/lack of sleep/sore body is anything to go by....

Guess this situation won't go on forever, in fact I've got a max of about 6 weeks and then the hard place will be my life. I promise not every post will be about babies....

Why do these things always depress me?

1. If you were able to go back in time 10 years and talk to the younger you, what would you say?

Get yourself to Graduate School, preferably with a grant. Your degree will be worth shit in the big bad world. Stop going out with losers and get your thyroid checked out.

2. What would the you of 1998 think of the you of 2008, and why?

Your hair and clothes look much better than mine, but check out those wrinkles. I think I would be a mixed bag of impressed with the marriage and house but disappointed with the career.

3. The you of 2008 receives a letter from the you of 2018. What does the letter hopefully say?

It talks about how happy me and my family are, how everyone is healthy and doing well, and there were perhaps more than the 3 of us. Ideally we would be living in a better area and my husband would have had a promotion or two! I wish I could hope to have had something substantial published, but that might be a wish too far!

4. In the letter from the you of the future, you read something that surprises you, what is it?

My sister and her husband have emigrated!

5. You have the opportunity to switch places with the you of 1998 or the you of 2018 for a day, who do you switch places with and why?

I would switch places with the 1998 me. I would go in search of my husband and get to be with him a lot sooner (I know, vomit inducing). Swapping places with the 2018 me might be really depressing and sad and ruin the next ten years for me.

I guess all of that is pretty standard.....

I've decided that the fear of failure is my worst enemy. It's why I don't go for jobs, why I am having problems finishing my novel and why I don't dress in designer clothes (ok that's a lie, that's about the cash). I thought I was getting over it until I attended FantasyCon, the premier event for fantasy/sf/horror writers in the UK. Don't misunderstand, it was the most fun thing I've done this year and I'll be going back next year (physicalities permitting), but apart from all the fun getting drunk and telling Michael Marshall Smith that I wasn't sure about his 'thriller' novel concept, it made my fear worse. It is like thinking you are a good artist then going to the national gallery and realising just how far you have to go and perhaps, you may never get there, no matter how hard you try. Some people may be spurred on, inspired even. Me, it makes me want to down tools and have another cocktail. If I never try then I will never fail, and my lifelong dream of being a real writer (the ones who can make a living from it) is dashed. I don't have anyting else in my life that can fill that kind of hole. As the song sadly says, I don't know what to do with myself.